We Said No: Why We Declined a Colombia Surrogacy Case
Every fertility clinic celebrates successful pregnancies.
Every surrogacy agency hopes to help more families welcome a child.
But sometimes, the most responsible decision is not to say yes.
Sometimes, the right answer is no.
This story is based on a real consultation. Personal details have been changed to protect the family’s privacy.
A Family With One Dream
“Jack” (name changed) contacted us from the Los Angeles area.
He was 69 years old.
Married.
The father of a wonderful 10-year-old daughter.
Like many intended parents, he had one dream he had carried for years.
He hoped to have a son.
Because his wife was now 53 years old, natural conception was no longer realistic.
After researching international fertility options, they contacted us about our Colombia egg donation and guaranteed birth surrogacy program.
From a medical perspective, their situation was surprisingly straightforward.
His wife was still within the age range accepted by our Colombia donor egg program.
With donor eggs and gestational surrogacy, pregnancy was medically achievable.
The challenge was not medicine.
The Conversation That Changed Everything
During our consultation, we discussed more than IVF.
We talked about life.
Jack told us he was still working as a commercial truck driver.
Not because he enjoyed driving.
Because he had to.
He frequently accepted overnight shifts to earn more income.
Then he shared something that stayed with me.
“I plan to work another ten years.”
His daughter would then be about twenty years old.
He would be nearly eighty.
At that moment, our conversation changed.
It was no longer about embryos.
It was no longer about donor eggs.
It was no longer about surrogacy.
It became a conversation about responsibility.
Medicine Could Help Them Have Another Child
From a purely medical perspective, we believed we could help.
Our Colombia surrogacy program could provide:
- Anonymous egg donation
- Gestational surrogacy
- IVF treatment
- Embryo creation
- Pregnancy management
- Guaranteed birth program
Technically, the case was possible.
But medicine is only one part of family building.
A successful pregnancy does not automatically mean a successful future for the family.
Why We Declined the Case
After careful discussion, we decided not to move forward.
This decision had nothing to do with discrimination because of age.
It was not because we doubted their love for another child.
Quite the opposite.
We believed they genuinely wanted to expand their family.
Our concern was whether pursuing another child at that moment would place too much financial and emotional pressure on the entire household.
They were still raising a young daughter.
The family’s financial resources were limited.
Jack was continuing physically demanding work well beyond the typical retirement age simply to support his family.
Adding another child would likely require many more years of financial commitment.
As reproductive professionals, we believe our responsibility extends beyond creating pregnancies.
We must also consider the long-term welfare of the family and, most importantly, the future child.
Helping someone become a parent should never mean ignoring the realities they will face after the baby is born.
Surrogacy Is About More Than Success Rates
Many intended parents focus on one question:
“Can I have a baby?”
A more important question is:
“Am I ready to raise another child?”
Those are not always the same question.
A responsible surrogacy consultation should include discussions about:
- Medical suitability
- Financial planning
- Emotional readiness
- Long-term family stability
- The best interests of the future child
These conversations may be difficult.
But they are necessary.
Saying No Can Be the Most Ethical Decision
In fertility medicine, success is often measured by pregnancy rates.
We see it differently.
Sometimes success means helping a family have a baby.
Sometimes success means advising a family to wait.
Sometimes success means honestly saying,
“Not yet.”
Or even,
“This may not be the right decision for your family.”
That is never an easy conversation.
But we believe it is part of practicing ethical reproductive medicine.
The Canbaby Surrogacy Perspective
At Canbaby Surrogacy, we do not believe every consultation should end with a contract.
Our goal is not simply to help more babies be born.
Our goal is to help families make decisions that are medically appropriate, legally safe, financially sustainable, and emotionally responsible.
As an embryologist-led team, we understand how to create embryos.
As fertility professionals, we also understand that creating a child is only the beginning.
The real journey starts after birth.
Sometimes, the most caring answer we can give is not “yes.”
Sometimes, the most responsible answer is “not now.”
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